10. Maurice Edu: Once you’ve scored a goal as a keeper, assists mean nothing

Tim Howard with the assist! Haha my boy!

— Maurice Edu (@MauriceEdu) September 30, 2013

9. Heath Pearce: Right?! She’s 48!

How hot is Elizabeth Hurley......... STILL

— Heath Pearce (@HeathGPearce) September 30, 2013

8. Dax McCarty: No team-provided in-flight meal?

This red eye flight back home is instantly made better by the spicy chicken filet I just picked up from Wendy's. #friestoo

— Dax McCarty (@DaxMcCarty11) September 30, 2013

7. CJ Sapong: The benefits of being a professional athlete

Massage time! pic.twitter.com/eHLWI8HFMc

— CJ Sapong (@BigAfrika88) September 30, 2013

6. Oguchi Onyewu: The last two people in the free world on BlackBerry?

@DaMarcusBeasley Noooooooooooooo! ????????????

— Oguchi Onyewu (@OguchiOnyewu5) October 2, 2013

5. Jay DeMerit: He says from Canada

Oh America, I thought you had graduated to your big boy pants, but apparently it's back to Huggies Pull-ups... #naughtystep

— Jay DeMerit (@D6MERIT) October 1, 2013

4. A.J. Soares: Christmas card material

Ice bath w @Krowe210 #biceps pic.twitter.com/8Uzmbwtb2o

— AJ Soares (@AjSoares) October 2, 2013

3. Juan Agudelo: As far as inspirational tweets go, this one is awesome

Whatever you do, do it so your signature isn't a signature anymore, make it an autograph. #success

— Juan Agudelo (@JuanAgudelo) October 4, 2013

2. DaMarcus Beasley: Airplane etiquette is delicate

Hate when u on a plane n the persn next to u yawns n dont cover their mouth, like I dont wanna inhale watever the hell u got goin on n there

— DaMarcus Beasley (@DaMarcusBeasley) October 6, 2013

1. Stu Holden: The hats really set this picture off

Good times catching up with @BocaBoca3 ! B b b bocaaaanegra pic.twitter.com/7st4FY3y0x

— Stuart Holden (@stuholden) October 1, 2013